im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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