his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
