Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
