was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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