nut hugger
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Randomize
