I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
