The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
