you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Randomize
