quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
it's great music for shaving your balls
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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