gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
