I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
He's on the porch naked. Help.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
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