I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
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