GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Randomize
