Your tits are I can't wait for
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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