when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
