If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
