I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
