i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
