I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
