ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Betty ford says i'm here all night
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I am midnight drunk by noon
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
