woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Randomize
