she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
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