Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize