He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
