i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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