i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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