fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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