She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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