i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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