Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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