You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
