It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
