He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
