Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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