There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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