remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
