Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
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