I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
