my mouth tastes like poor choices
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
