I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Randomize
