Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
You are a genius and a whore.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
