who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
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