At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
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