clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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