Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
