bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
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