cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Randomize