Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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