we have pet lesbian snakes
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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