He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
