youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
