Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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