how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
this is an emotional support booty call
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
