I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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