the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
How external is "for external use only"?
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
