My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
What happened to fro yo and sex?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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