Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Randomize
