i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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