What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
