3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Randomize
