I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
