Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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