she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize