She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
