i think i have herpe
just one?
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
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