Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
