Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
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