So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Randomize
